we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
