The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
