get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
