took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
