i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
