he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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