mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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