Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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