Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
