Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
