About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
