Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
