Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
