i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
