you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
