How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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