the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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