i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
