things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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