i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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