I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
