There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
