Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
