went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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