I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
