the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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