a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
