My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
