i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
