i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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