Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
