Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
