Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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