i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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