I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
do herpes really smell.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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