I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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