Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
