I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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