in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
