Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
