Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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