still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
