He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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