i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
