Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
