Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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