My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
