Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
