1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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