One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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