Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
