are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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