The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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