All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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