Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
