Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
