Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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