I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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