Your tits are I can't wait for
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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