Do you still have your period?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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