I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
