Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
