she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
