Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
