worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
