Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
