I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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