I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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