pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
