Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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