when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize