im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
