Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
